


Set in Stone

by Sally_the_Sunflower



Category: Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: F/M, Grief/Mourning, Guilt, Loss, Love, angst and hurt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-26
Updated: 2019-04-26
Packaged: 2020-02-04 19:31:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 888
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18611032
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sally_the_Sunflower/pseuds/Sally_the_Sunflower
Summary: "He fell to his knees at the foot of the grave, keeping his eyes fixed firmly on the ground. He dared not look at the headstone which bore the name of the woman he had loved. Did love. If he looked it made it real. As long as he did not look he could pretend that none of it had happened. And so he never looked."





	Set in Stone

**Author's Note:**

> So this is just a somewhat overhauled re-post of something I had on another site aaaages ago.

He hated it here. He hated it here with all that was left of his broken heart. It was just a reminder of all the mistakes he had made. Yet every year he came back without fail. Each time he came he promised himself it would be his last visit. But like every other promise he had made in the past, he never kept it. He couldn't stay away. Not from her. He couldn't leave her here all alone.

He fell to his knees at the foot of the grave, keeping his eyes fixed firmly on the ground. He dared not look at the headstone which bore the name of the woman he had loved. Did love. If he looked it made it real. As long as he did not look he could pretend that none of it had happened. And so he never looked.

Kneeling, head bent and eyes closed, he tried his best to clear his mind, to meditate. This was not the place to bring his anger, his sorrow, his fear, his _guilt_. How could he allow himself the luxury of such self-pitying thoughts while she lay there before him? But clearing his mind of these was not an easy task when with each echoing rasp of his breath he was reminded of what he was. It was a torment to him. Each breath was an accusation. _You did this. This is your fault. Traitor. Murderer._ They told him that forgetting was the real luxury. The knot of darkness in his mind was to be his constant companion. There would be no relief for the likes of him.

Giving up on meditation, he opened his eyes and stared down at his hands. His fists shook as emotion clenched them tight. Had they been flesh, he would have seen his knuckles turn white, but he wouldn’t be afforded even that scrap of humanity. _You did this…_

Fleeing this train of thought his mind reached for something comforting. Before he could stop it, before he could regain control, there she was. Her back was turned to him as she looked out over the balcony, but he didn't need to see her face to know it was her. Chocolate ringlets hung loose around slight shoulders. The fine fabric of a blue gown pooled at her feet. The golden light of sunset gave her an ethereal glow. _An angel… _Without thinking he took a step towards her. He couldn't help it, it was instinctive. Surprise ripped through him when for the first time in years he felt the cool smoothness of tiles underfoot. He looked down and his breath caught to find himself as he had been, in the past. Feeling more than just his own eyes on him, he looked back up. She had turned around. Every muscled tensed under her gaze. Shame knifed through his chest. He wasn't even certain if he was still breathing. He braced himself for what would surely come. Surely she would shout and scream. Surely she would tell him how much he had hurt and betrayed her. Surely she would declare her hatred of him to the galaxy.__

____

But she didn't. Instead she smiled and beckoned him closer. He hesitated. _What was this? How could she..? After everything he had done._ With an almost amused look on her face she beckoned to him again. Unbidden, he found his feet responding. He couldn’t help it, he had never been one for self control. He just wanted to hold her, to kiss her, to tell her how much he loved her, to humble himself before her, to lay all his regrets as offerings at her feet. He reached for her, every fiber of his being singing with the anticipation of feeling that warm, soft flesh beneath his hand.

____

But his hand met instead something cold and hard. Eyes he didn't know were closed flicked open. Beautiful, cruel, polished stone loomed over him. The fingers of his outstretched hand traced the precious name carved there. He stared, unable to tear his eyes away now that he was looking. A hollowness yawned inside him. It was a feeling of nothing. There was too much to feel, so he felt none of it. He stared and stared until there was nothing left in the galaxy but him and the name. The blankness stretched across what little of his body remained, and then it snapped.

____

He felt the first sting of salt roll down his cheek, followed by another. He tried to force them back, but he knew it was a pointless effort. They would flow until there were no more. And so he stayed there, neither eyes nor hand ever leaving the name. It wasn't enough. Every ounce of his being ached with the desire, the longing to see her just one more time, to hear her just one more time. But every second that ticked by took him further away and there was nothing he could do. This was all that was left. _You did this._

____

Hollowed out and emptied, he finally stood and turned to leave. Just like every other year he promised himself he would not come back. But he knew it was a promise that he would break. After all she was his angel and he could not stay away, not from her.

____


End file.
